When I left Massachusetts, I left you behind as well, knowing that you would not be welcome in my new rental environment. It was a painful decision—you’ll have to trust me on this one—but it was the only one I could have made under the circumstances.
I guess it’s no secret that I shacked up with that tart, AT&T Broadband cable. She didn’t have your character—but she was there. She wasn’t nearly as good-looking—but she was available. Let’s face it—I went for the easy mark. When she went all schizo on me and changed her name to Comcast, I stayed. And even when she started wanting more and more money to keep her happy, I stayed. In other words, I was whipped.
But now I see the error in my ways. She’s gone. History. And here I am back at your door, hoping that you’ll let me take you back into my life. After seeing you again, I realize anew what it was that drew me to you. And have I mentioned how beautiful you look?
I hope you can forgive me.